I'VE MOVED!!!!!!

Go to www.oliveplants.wordpress.com for your daily (or pretty close) dose of large family humor and mysterious odors.

You're Not the Boss of Me......

And by that I mean that I CAN change my mind ANYTIME I want to, even though my husband has some sort of freaky problem with that. In HIS mind, hormonal women who are weeks away from giving birth, while justified, perhaps, in being wishy-washy, are still INCREDIBLY ANNOYING!!! But that's okay because it's only a blog. It's not like I changed my mind about having this baby, and have decided, instead, to let HIM birth it! THAT would be cool!!! Someone should work on that!

Anyway......

I have officially switched my blog from where you are reading it at this exact moment, Blogger, to Wordpress which is like switching from buying clothes at Walmart, to buying clothes at Saks Fifth Avenue. Yes, it was harder to figure out. Yes, it is not as "pretty" as THIS blog. But, it is MUCH more available when I need it, the commenting section actually works ALL THE TIME, and the customer support is phenomenal!

So even though the aesthetics may not be as pleasing, just remember the saying "Less is more", and go on over to www.oliveplants.wordpress.com, leave me a comment so that we can both try it out, and be happy about it. I know I am!

2-Year-Old Prayer

So 2-Year-Old has a new Prayer Strategy. Instead of thanking the Lord for her blessings or asking Him for wisdom and self-control for the day, or interceding on the behalf of others (I had to switch that around. My first attempt was "others' behalfs" or should it have been "others' behalves"? See the dilemma?), she informs God of the happenings in her little world. Like, the weather report. The fact that she loves Miss A. The reality of my parents' eternal search for the perfect house. Mommy's unfortunate weight gain. Stuff like that.



It's highly entertaining, which I realize is not what prayer is supposed to be, but I'll bet it's also extremely amusing to God, and THAT'S gotta be a good thing, right?

A Post in Which I Assault You With My Extreme Irritation With Weather Forecasters

Okay. So now I'm mad. I spent all day yesterday, when I wasn't doing the, you know, mother thing, breathlessly anticipating and watching out for the 6 to 8 inches of snow we were supposed to get!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, when you are a Weather Forecaster and you find yourself putting out a WINTER STORM WARNING, make sure that there actually IS a winter storm COMING! Because we got a "dusting" of snow, and let me just say that there have been times when that much actual dust was on my furniture, and I didn't even feel the need to go to the trouble of removing it, SUCH WERE THE MINISCULE AND COMPLETELY UNWORTHY-OF-DUSTING AMOUNTS!!!!!!!!!!! I told my husband this morning that weathermen make me mad and must not be very intelligent (except for HIM, of course) and HOW HARD can it be to predict fairly serious amounts of snow? I mean, isn't there some sort of SOMEthing that makes it pretty easy to see the clouds BURSTING with snow that hasn't fallen yet? Maybe a sensor of some kind that beeps or sends you a fax or something when they are heavy with snow and MUST get rid of it over our house? And he responded with......."Well, they said 100% chance of snow, and they were right. It's not 100% chance of 6 to 8 inches of snow!"

And I'm thinking, well, why not?!

When I get up every day, there are many, many things I am sure of. I WILL be changing at LEAST 2 stinky diapers that day. I am 100% sure of that, and could even go so far as to put out a Stinky Diaper Warning, such is my assurance. I will also be responsible for 3 meals that day, and they had BETTER be tasty and filling. There WILL be conflict in my day, so I'm also 100% sure of THAT! See, this is my job. I know these things are going to happen because I am completely immersed in my job, and it is important to me. Weather Forecasters? Apparently not so much. If I did my job the way they do THEIR job, I would tell my children that there was a 100% chance of meals happening today, but then, as the day passed, and I became more and more pregnant and tired and irritated and fat, I would just decide that, even though there was a 100% chance of meals today, that doesn't mean there would actually be THREE of them!

And then I would watch panic ensue.

A Post that Guys Won't Really Understand

There is irony in my life right now, which I find irritating and slightly amusing in a......well......ironic kind of way. Weird, huh?

Here it is:

On those few months every year when I'm not pregnant, I happen to be a decent weight, have a thin(ish) figure, clear skin, non-floppy arms, and non-cottage-cheesey legs.

But only about 9 hairs on my head.

I come from a long line of not-blessed-with-lots-of-hair genetics. I would really love to jump over to my sister-in-law's line of genetics that includes so much hair, she almost falls over from carrying it around on top of her head, and MUST have it cut often to keep it thinned out. Oh, the woes of thick hair! I feel so sorry for her! Anyway, back to the non-pregnant, fairly-attractive-except-for-the-see-through-hair-part subject I was on. Here is the ironic part. When I AM pregnant, I am not very pleasant to look at. Places on me grow larger and I don't just mean my belly, although that gets VERY large. Have I mentioned the cottage cheese lately? And the floppy arms? And the general squishiness that I don't normally possess?

BUT!

I have a headful of hair and EVERY DAY is a good hair day at this point in my pregnancy! See the irony?

It's just annoying that when I'm at my yuckiest, my hair totally ROCKS!

And in a few months, all this mostly-brown, naturally wavy hair will be in my kids' food and clogging up the sink drain and heaped on the side of the tub and stuck in the vacuum. And I will cry, and it won't be post-partum depression because I don't have time to get that with 9 kids running around. It will be because I want all that hair back!

So if you think through this, you will understand the reason why we have so many children........it's because when I'm pregnant, I have FANTASTIC hair that I possess at NO OTHER TIME IN MY LIFE!!! That's a good and noble reason to procreate, right? I think it's in the Bible somewhere!

One of Those Questions Again

Yesterday, 3-Year-Old asked this question.......

And let me just say that she had a big smile on her face, and her eyes were wide and sparkling.

"Mommy? When the new baby is born, will 1-year-old go back into your tummy?"

And I answered with this sentence, which will be added to the annals of Sentences I Can't Believe I Actually Uttered.......

"No. No one in this house will ever go back into Mommy's tummy again, okay? You'll just get bigger and bigger until you're a lady."

And just so you know, if you ever want to make an Extremely Pregnant Woman cringe, double over, fight mightily to hold back tears, and maybe dry heave once or twice, ask her the same question, but be sure to add that the 1-year-old now weighs 25 pounds and carries toy guns around for fun.

Today......

So. Two kinda noteworthy things happened today.

And let me just interject here that if you are a mom who searches for a cure for cancer in her spare time, or flies a C-130 for a day job, or is a member of Mensa, you will SO not find these 2 things noteworthy. BUT. If you are a plain 'ole mom like me, living your every-days as joyfully as possible while dirty diapers pile up in the trash can and dirty clothes pile up in the laundry room, and you think lisps on 2-year-olds are adorable, and you get a kick out of telling your oldest child to go bake some bread for supper......AND SHE DOES BECAUSE YOU TAUGHT HER TO......well then, you might just understand the kinda-noteworthiness coming up.

1. This morning, I discovered that one of the short people who lives in my house had oh-so-helpfully washed the bristles of my toothbrush for me. In hand soap. Honeysuckle-scented. And then I drank an entire glass of orange juice as I was rushing out the door. Bad combo, by the way. I almost had to stop for chocolate to get the competing tastes out of my mouth.

2. The 3-year-old spent 20 minutes (and I'm not joking) crying hysterically in the back seat because she didn't like the color of the sippy-cup I gave her. Seriously.

Other than that, the day went really well. Apparently, everyone in our area is scared to go to Walmart now because of a bomb threat recently in the midwest at a Walmart. I tell ya......that's the time to go!!!! Okay, so maybe there COULD be a bomb in the store, but if I'm gonna take my chances of that occurring, or walking through Walmart unimpeded? I'll take my chances that there are explosives hidden behind the Huggies! I mean, come on!! Wouldn't you?!

Morning Thoughts. And They're Disjointed Too, By the Way.

So my blog is officially blocked now from all military servers on base. Which means that my husband doesn't read this at work anymore, which means that my stats are down because he doesn't refresh this page 52 times a day, and other military members who read this blog and, after meeting me last week asked my husband "HOW tall is your wife?", thus making it seem like lots and lots of smart, intelligent, and attractive people actually DON'T read my blog, which shouldn't really matter to me, but does because, right now? I need all the love I can get. See, last night my husband jokingly asked me how far I was away now from HIS weight now, which just isn't funny. When we married, I weighed 100 POUNDS less than he did. And now? Um. Not so much. And I know it shouldn't matter to me, but it just does, okay?

My whole intention of this post today was to acknowledge the fact of my boring-ness lately, and that I hope to be coming out of it in the very near future. Like today. As in, possible blog-fodder occurring today and this weekend. Since, apparently, I'm not in ENOUGH misery, I plan to do a batch of Mega-Cooking this weekend, which means that I will be making 64 meals over the next 2 days. Which means that I will be dragging all 8 of my children around Walmart this morning JUST because I need some blog inspiration. Also? The high temperature today is supposed to be 21. With wind. And it probably also means that some small child who is slowly draining our retirement fund in order to purchase diapers, will fill those diapers with the kind of icky that only occurs when you're out in public without wipes or an extra outfit. And another child will throw a tremendous fit in a store over the fact that a sibling blinked at her. And maybe we'll even experience a freezing up of our car DVD player which would be hugely traumatic, trust me.

But, hey, I'll have something interesting to blog about if I live through it!

A Post in Which I Admit My Extraordinary Talent of Being a Complete and Total Dork

So I found out AFTER I had written the last post that the site I was thinking about moving my blog to doesn't let me sell things. Like my book. By the way, did you know that I have a book for sale? And that the few people that HAVE bought it, have really really enjoyed it? So much so, that they are passing it around to all of their friends INSTEAD OF GIVING THEIR FRIENDS THE URL FOR THIS BLOG AND TELLING THEM TO BUY IT FOR THEMSELVES?

(Did it seem just now with all the caps in the last sentence, that I was, like, yelling at you? Okay. Just wanted to make sure that came through the way I intended. =) )

I also found out that I really LIKE Blogger, despite my last post, and I am THANKFUL for Blogger and will never try to leave again. And that perhaps the levels of pregnancy hormones coursing through my veins right now may have made me a tad bit emotional about the hosting site for my blog. But just a tad.

So I'm staying here, and will grin and bear the problems I have had with Blogger. I am in MAJOR nesting mode, so I may have to redo this page with new colors and fonts and stuff. Yeah. That'll make me feel better.

And I know that the new baby will appreciate the new look that came about because I wanted to make everything all nice and pretty and clean and grammatically correct for her/him.

So Here's the Deal.......

Basically? Blogger stinks. There are probably 2 times a week that I am unable to even get to the Blogger site, and even more unable to post. I'm kinda tired of it. Because when I DO get the time to post, it is fleeting. And when I get the chance, and there's a good post flitting around inside my head, I want to get it written and published before I forget it or am distracted by a stinky diaper.

Plus, my parents are having trouble commenting and this is a biggie for me. Because I know that one day, my blog posts are gonna look like this:
Got up today.
Had some orange juice.
Looked outside.
Sun shining.
Ironed husband's underwear.
Went to the grocery store.
Bought salad greens.
But only one small head because all the children are gone.
Sniff.
BUT MY PARENTS WILL STILL BE READING IT BECAUSE THEY WILL FEEL SORRY FOR ME AND BECAUSE THEY WILL WANT ME TO FEEL LOVED AND SPECIAL......kinda like when they told me I was beautiful when I was 13, weighed 67 pounds, had enormous buckteeth, humongous glasses, and scarily large feet. And greasy hair.

So I feel obligated to helping them be able post comments easily. And because they affirm me and I like that.

So the point of all of this is that I will be moving this blog sometime in the (hopefully) near future, so look for the update and be ready to change your bookmarks! Because I don't want to lose any one of you! Except Creepy Commenter Guy. He can go away now.